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Women Joke: 96
| Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to
their position in life,
and it's clear that they're trying to one-up each other. The first one
says, "My husband is
taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then
looks at the others
with a superior demeanor. The second one says, "Well, my husband just
bought me a new
Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride. Young woman number
three says,
"Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and
we don't have
many material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my
husband is that
fourteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
After this, the first one
looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make: I
was just trying to
impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well,
it's not to the French
Riviera, it's to my folks' house in Terre Haute for two weeks." The
second one says,
"Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes; it's a Plymouth."
"Well, I've got a
confession to make myself: Canary number fourteen has to stand on one
leg."
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Women Joke: 97
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her
first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She
replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will
childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy
to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"
Women Joke: 98
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Women Joke: 99
The Makers of Viagra are announcing that they have
developed a pill to increase lubrication in females.
The pill will be called Niagra.
Women Joke: 100
Three girls died and were brought to the gates of
heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted
by St. Peter and his obedient angel.
St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you
must answer this simple question." "Which is ...?",
they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl?",
he asked the first girl.
"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got
married and was still virgin even after I got married."
"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ...
the golden key."
"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl.
"Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I
got married but was not after I got married." "Very good",
said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the silver key."
"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl.
"Oh no, not at all," she said. "I practically had sex with
every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere,
anytime."
"Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ...
my room key."
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