|
Women Joke: 71
| Why haven't Women landed on the Moon?
- Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!
|
|
Women Joke: 72
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I
have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful
garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious
comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man
for you."
"What's a 'man', Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies,
an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you
properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger
and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at
fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed
ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt
stick. But, you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
Women Joke: 73
The Diet
BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz glass skim milk
LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed zucchini
1 Oreo cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
rest of the package of Oreo cookies
1 quart Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge
DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread
1 large pepperoni & mushroom pizza
1 large pitcher of beer
3 Milky Way candy bars
1 entire cheesecake
DIET TIPS
1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar,
they cancel each other out.
3. When eating with someone else, calories dont count
if you both eat the same amount.
4. Foods used for medicinal purpose have no calories.
These include any chocolate used for energy,
brandy, cheesecake, and ice cream.
5. Cookie pieces contain no calories, because breakage
causes the calories to leak out.
6. If you eat food from someone else's plate, the
calories don't count.
7. Movie related snacks are much lower in calories because
they are part of the entertainment, and not ones
of personal fuel.
Women Joke: 74
Regardless of what you may hear, there's still many women these days
who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce,
they keep the house.
Women Joke: 75
The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the
house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the
proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local
hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world"
there.
Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she
was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as
if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of
purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind
him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and
said "May I have one of those ?"
The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of
those bastards ?"
Without a pause, she said, "Yeah ! And ya better give me a few of
those Son-of-a-Bitches next to 'em too."
< < Prev
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
Next > >
|
|
