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Sex Joke: 56
| A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because
he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and
asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says, " My son, after an
exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is
therefore not permitted on Sundays."
The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he
goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and
experienced in this matter.
He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is
work and therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority:
a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other
words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question,
then states, " My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so
many others tell me sex is work?"
The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have
the maid do it."
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Sex Joke: 57
"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love,
"Will you still make love like that to me after we're married ?"
He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so.
I've always been especially fond of married women."
Sex Joke: 58
Armando went to his neighbor and asked, "Hey Carlos, do you
like a woman who has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way
out?"
"No," says Carlos.
Armando asks, "Do you like a woman whose teets hang
almost to her knees?"
"No," says Carlos.
"Well, Carlos, would you like a woman whose heeps are so
mucho grande?"
"Caramba! No, amigo!" Carlos replied.
"Theen tell me why," asked Armando, "do you keep screwing
my wife?"
Sex Joke: 59
This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after
a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix
her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one
Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible
hand when she notices the time.
"Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to
be so angry if it's not ready on time." And she dashes out of her
friend's house, her great hand forgotten on the table.
When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not
enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the
cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food.
In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and
garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling
up.
She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then
she realizes he is loving it! "Mmmm, darling, this is the best
dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You
can make this for me any old day, mmmmm!" And that night
they had sex for the first time in months and it was great!
Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this
dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and
they are all horrified.
"You're going to kill him," they say, or "He's just yanking your
chain," but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and
then, afterwards, they would bonk like fiends.
Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women
the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being
so callous. "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that
cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit
there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your
husband?"
The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel
when he was licking his ass."
Sex Joke: 60
"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the
landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the
housewife told a neighbor.
"You didn't do it, did you?"
"I have to admit I did -- though with certain misgivings, I might
add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent
is paid up for six months!"
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