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Science Joke: 31
ELEMENT: WOMAN SYMBOL: WO DISCOVERER: ADAM ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.6 Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200 Kg. OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface normally covered with a painted film. 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason. 3. Melts if given special treatment. 4. Bitter if incorrectly used. 5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore. 6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

Chemical Properties:

1. Has great affinity to gold, silver and a range of precious stones. 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason. 4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol. 5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Uses:

1. Highly ornamental. 2. Can be a great aid in relaxation. 3. Very effective cleaning agent.

Tests:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state. 2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Hazards:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. 2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens don't come into contact with each other.


Science Joke: 32
Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.


Science Joke: 33
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.


Science Joke: 34
Handy guide to modern science: If it's green or wriggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.


Science Joke: 35
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"





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