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                        New Chemical Element Discovered
      
    
 The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
 investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively
 named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic
 number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75
 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass
 of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the
 continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
 
 Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be
 detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
 According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one
 reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally
 occurred in less than a second.
 
 Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which
 time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
 assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.
 Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each
 reorganization.
 
 Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally
 in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as
 government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be
 found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.
 
 Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of
 concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is
 allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium
 can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not
 promising.
   
 
 
 
  



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