|
Science Joke: 21
| Speaking of spelling, here's a news bulletin ........
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be
known as "EuroEnglish."
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c" . . . Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be
dropped in favor of the "k." This should klear up konfusion and
keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f." This will make words
like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mess of the silent "e's" in the language is disgraseful, and
they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and the "w" with "v."
During the fifz yar, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yar, ve vil hav a realy sensibl
vriten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evryvun vil
find it easy tu understand each ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!
|
|
Science Joke: 22
scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien
Civilization...
Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the
Star System at the top of the list, cross off that star
system, then put your Star System at the bottom of the
list and send it to 100 other Star Systems. Within
one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will receive
enough hydrogen to power your civilization until
entropy reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!
Science Joke: 23
New scientific theories
4th RunnerUp-- The earth may spin faster on its axis due to
deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases
when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall
trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
Science Joke: 24
New scientific theories
3rd RunnerUp- Communist China is technologically underdeveloped
because they have no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet means
the Chinese cannot use "acronyms"; thus, they cannot communicate
their ideas at a faster rate.
Science Joke: 25
New scientific theories
2nd RunnerUp- The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawn
to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change
outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so
they must yawn to even it all out.
< < Prev
6
7
Next > >
|
|
