Science Jokes

      Speaking of spelling, here's a news bulletin ........
    The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
    English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
    which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
    Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
    improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be
    known as "EuroEnglish."
    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c" . . . Sertainly, this
    will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be
    dropped in favor of the "k." This should klear up konfusion and
    keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
    troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f." This will make words
    like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
    In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
    to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
    Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
    always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
    horible mess of the silent "e's" in the language is disgraseful, and
    they should go away.
    By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
    with "z" and the "w" with "v."
    During the fifz yar, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
    kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
    kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yar, ve vil hav a realy sensibl
    vriten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evryvun vil
    find it easy tu understand each ozer.
    ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!