Science Jokes

     Technical Night Before Christmas
 
    'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual
    Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic
    activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential,
    including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.
    Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood
    burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
    regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist
    among
    whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
    The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
    accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconcious visual
    hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically
    through their cerebrums.
    My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal had coverings,
    were
    about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon
    the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a
    cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity
    from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise
    source thereof.
    Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing
    this
    fenestration, nothing thereupon that the lunar brilliance without,
    reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
    precipitation, might be said rival that of the solar meridian itself -
    thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a
    miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive
    specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a miniscule, aged
    chauffeur
    so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
    apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller.
    With his ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have
    been
    more vertignious velocity than patriotic alar predators, he
    vociferated
    loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and
    addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now
    Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost level of
    our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the
    concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal
    extremities.
    As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
    performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved -
    with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by wary of the
    smoke passage.
    He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from
    oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
    thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to
    the
    plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodius
    cloth receptacle.
    His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
    submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging
    amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal
    appurtenance
    were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the
    former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the
    latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry.
    His amusing sub and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common
    loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like
    small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water. Clenched firmly
    between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey fumes forming a
    tenuous elllipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative
    seasonal circlet of holly.
    His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly
    mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of
    impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in
    short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian
    gnome,
    the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite
    every effort to refrain from so being.
    By rapidly lowering and than elevating one eyelid and rotating his
    head
    slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was
    groundless.
    Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
    aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned
    articles of merchandise extracted from the aforementioned previously
    dorsally transported cloth receptacle.
    Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt aboutface,
    placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory
    organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and
    forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke
    passage.
    He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance,
    directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral
    sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar
    aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing
    portions of a common weed.
    But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to
    his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide
    to
    the planetary constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my
    sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly
    pleasurable period between sunset and dawn.