Science Jokes

The Romans had no letter 'U', and used 'V' instead for printing, meaning the Roman representation would for Barney would be: CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

Extracting the Roman numerals, we have: CV V L DI V

And their decimal equivalents are: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5

Adding those numbers produces: 666.

666 is the number of the Beast.

Proved: BARNEY IS SATAN!

oI=vo ?/$="'" """^SATAN$~\ .&?/' `""$$, ,/?/' /-"^\. .-=~\T, ,/?/' /SATAN| |\IS,&' |LT `\?\\ ``\?\^I/HATE@:~:$=v\. `$k==v\.??\, `\d `\$ $'9P'I-LOVE=SATAN\/$$~?$\ ,R/ /$?~^'"""""`"\\&&< ?b "`~$P:c: /v==v,#::?<<&:'T| d$/' [|:. ""=o/&. ,P o&Z'`'.##| |MH\|| ,$$' `=:$H&=\. `"b?b. .&' 96*.-v.:?/`\==$&?$&*' `^$?\. `*&*\\ ,P ?~-~' |$$S>' `\7b ,T/\&&\. d? |T' \/b .&J' `\> d' T, &`L /|| ?| ?, ||9 J\T H ?, H|| ||/ || 9, ||M PJ' || `H bT, ||T || || T/L H|| `b M &T, M| 9, 9 `L9, M| `&. | `?*,9|| `b d `\?(|H. `b ?b `*\ `&. `\. J*|b `\o/\. `&. ,P 9/L 9:&. `9\ ?? `H9. *?9\ `b .&' |/| `|`\. `L ./' `|H d\/qZbo. M .,=' ,|T ./~&$$?=??/' `"=H$| H .o='' J\| ,*/'' `\? `' ./?ov=="*b9, ,$P ,Td ,$$'`' ?|M ,$/ J|| ,$?/ M|| ?$/ M|| |>\. .,~9$'' T|| d'M. 9`| `Hi:R&:&&6&="' ./$J| `^"\Z\. ||M `=Z\:"" H|T" `&H&>v bT, .. v,?|\ M|| .:Z|&\. ||H DEATH~>TO9H| `?*\ ?$`#'H 9ALL|1KIDS* .$/ `bZ&\ ,o\&KILL&/' \?$.:?ooo/*""' `\$$b |\MAIM*:./' `"""' `' `~?&qDESTROY#/'

But did you know that:

660 - Approximate number of the Beast DCLXVI - Roman numeral of the Beast 666.0000 - Number of the High Precision Beast 0.666 - Number of the Millibeast / 666 - Beast Common Denominator 666 ^ (-1) - Imaginary number of the Beast 1010011010 - Binary of the Beast 6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast 1-666 - Area code of the Beast 00666 - Zip code of the Beast 1-900-666-0666: - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please. $665.95 - Retail price of the Beast $699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax $769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul $656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast $646.66 - Next week's Walmart price of the Beast Phillips 666 - Gasoline of the Beast Route 666 - Way of the Beast 666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast 666k - Retirement plan of the Beast 666 mg - Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast 6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 minimum deposit. Lotus 6-6-6 - Spreadsheet of the Beast Word 6.66 - Word Processor of the Beast i66686 - CPU of the Beast 666i - BMW of the Beast DSM-666 (revised) - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast 668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast

The story opens with two youngsters, a brother and a sister, abandoned by their mother, staring mournfully through the window of their single-family dwelling. In the foreground, a large tree/phallic symbol dances wildly in the wind, taunting the children and encouraging them to succumb to the sexual yearnings they undoubtedly feel for each other. Even to the most unlearned reader, the blatant references to the incestuous relationship the two share set the tone for Seuss's probing examination of the satisfaction of primitive needs. The Cat proceeds to charm the wary youths into engaging in what he so innocently refers to as "tricks." At this point, the fish, an obvious Christ figure who represents the prevailing Christian morality, attempts to warn the children, and thus, in effect, warns all of humanity of the dangers associated with the unleashing of the primal urges. In response to this, the cat proceeds to balance the aquatic naysayer on the end of his umbrella, essentially saying, "Down with morality; down with God!"

After poohpoohing the righteous rantings of the waterlogged Christ figure, the Cat begins to juggle several icons of Western culture, most notably two books, representing the Old and New Testaments, and a saucer of lactal fluid, an ironic reference to maternal loss the two children experienced when their mother abandoned them "for the afternoon." Our heroic Id adds to this bold gesture a rake and a toy man, and thus completes the Oedipal triangle.

Later in the novel, Seuss introduces the proverbial Pandora's box, a large red crate out of which the Id releases Thing One, or Freud's concept of Ego, the division of the psyche that serves as the conscious mediator between the person and reality, and Thing Two, the Superego which functions to reward and punish through a system of moral attitudes, conscience, and guilt. Referring to this box, the Cat says, "Now look at this trick. Take a look!" In this, Dr. Seuss uses the children as a brilliant metaphor for the reader, and asks the reader to re-examine his own inner self.

The children, unable to control the Id, Ego, and Superego allow these creatures to run free and mess up the house, or more symbolically, control their lives. This rampage continues until the fish, or Christ symbol, warns that the mother is returning to reinstate the Oedipal triangle that existed before her abandonment of the children. At this point, Seuss introduces a many-armed cleaning device which represents the psychoanalytic couch, which proceeds to put the two youngsters' lives back in order.

With powerful simplicity, clarity, and drama, Seuss reduces Freud's concepts on the dynamics of the human psyche to an easily understood gesture. Mr. Seuss' poetry and choice of words is equally impressive and serves as a splendid counterpart to his bold symbolism. In all, his writing style is quick and fluid, making The Cat in the Hat impossible to put down. While this novel is 61 pages in length, and one can read it in five minutes or less, it is not until after multiple readings that the genius of this modern day master becomes apparent.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. lA new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the dark flowing into the candle.

Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range. There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats to the top. The immense power of dark can be utilized to mans advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through turbines, which generate electricity and help push it to the ocean where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this problem, and tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe travelling in the same direction as the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark, but when they traveled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push the dark along its way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our lives much easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that it is indeed a dark sucker.

Author Unknown