Science Jokes

  If Scientists Wrote Nursery Rhymes
 
                            How many can you solve? (Answers below)
 
 
 
 1. A research team proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic
 protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of
 a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size
 of which was unspecified.  One member of the team precipitantly descended,
 sustaining severe fractural damage to the upper cranial portion of his
 anatomical structure.  Subsequently, the second member of the team
 performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the direction taken
 by the first member.
 
 2. Complications arose during an investigation of dietary influence: one
 researcher was unable to assimilate adipose tissue and another was unable
 to consume tissue consisting chiefly of muscle fiber.  By reciprocal
 arrangement between the two researchers, total consumption of the viands
 under consideration was achieved, this leaving the original container of
 the viands devoid of contents.
 
 3. A young male human was situated near the intersection of two supporting
 structural elements at right angles to each other: said subject was involved
 in ingesting a saccharine composition prepared in conjunction with the ritual
 observance of an annual fixed-day religious festival.  Insertion into the
 saccharine composition of the opposable digit of his forelimb was followed
 by removal of a drupe of genus prune.  Subsequently the subject made a
 declarative statement regarding the high quality of his character as a
 young male human.
 
 4. A triumvirate of murine rodents totally deviod of ophthalmic acuity
 were observed in a state of rapid locomotion in pursuit of an
 agriculturalist's marital adjunct.  Said adjunct then performed triple
 caudectomy utilizing an acutely honed bladed instrument generally used
 for the subdivision of edible tissue.
 
 5. A female of the species homo sapiens was the possesor of a small
 immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which
 reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to
 that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water.
 Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the
 probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same
 pathway.
 
 6. A human female, extremely captious and given to opposed behavior, was
 questioned as to the dynamic state of her cultivated tract of land used
 for production of various types of flora. The tract components were
 enumerated as argentous tone-producing agents, a rare species of oceaninc
 growth and pulchritudinous young females situated in a linear orientation.
 
 
 1.      Jack and Jill went up the hill
         To fetch a pail of water.
         Jack fell down and broke his crown,
         And Jill came tumbling after.
 
 2.      Jack Sprat could eat no fat.
         His wife could eat no lean.
         And so.......(I don't remember the words)
         They ate the platter clean.
 
 3.      Little Jack Horner
         Sat in the corner
         Eating his Christmas pie
         He stuck in his thumb
         And pulled out a plum
         And said "What a good boy am I!"
 
 4.      Three blind mice, three blind mice
         See how they run, see how they run.
         They all ran after the farmer's wife
         Who cut off their tails with a carving knife
         Did you ever see such a sight in your life
         As three blind mice.
 
 5.      Mary had a Little Lamb
         Whose fleece was white as snow.
         And everywhere that Mary went,
         The lamb was sure to go.
 
 6.      Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
         How does your garden grow.
         With silver bells, and cockle shells
         And pretty maidens, all in a row.