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SchoolCollege Joke: 16
| The Math Test
California officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word
problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present:
The City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam
Name:_______________________________
Gang:___________________________
1.Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13
times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he
has to reload?
2.Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to
Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he
doesn't cut it?
3.Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks
will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800-per-day crack habit?
4.Jarome want to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of
cut will he need?
5.Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4X4. If he has
stolen 2 BMWs, 3 4X4s, how many Chevies will he have to steal to make $800?
6.Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law
wife is spending $425 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of prison,
and how many years is he likely to get for killing the bitch that spent his money?
7.If the average spray can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet,
how many letters can be sprayed with 3 cans of paint?
8.Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of
the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?
9.Thelma can cook dinner for her 16 children for $7.50 per night. She gets $234 a month
welfare for each child. If her $325 per month rent goes up 15%, how many more children
should she have to keep up with her expenses?
10.Salvador was arrested for dealing crack & his bail was set at $25,000. If he pays a bail
bondsman 12% and returns to Mexico, how much money will he lose by jumping bail?
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SchoolCollege Joke: 17
SAT score decay
As we all know SAT scores have been on the decline for years.
The following may be the reason why.
A math problem in the 60's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four-fifths of this
price. What is his profit?
A math problem in the 70's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of porduction is four-fifths of this
price, or $80. What is his profit?
A math problem in the 70's using New Math
A logger exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100,
and each element is worth $1. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set M. The set C of
the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set M, and answer the following question:
What is the cardinality of the set P of profits?
A math problem in the 80's
A logger sells a truckload of wood for $100. His cost of production is $80, and his profit is
$20. Your assignment: underline the number 20.
A math problem in the 90's under Outcome Based Education.
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, a logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of
living? (Topic for class participation: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel?)
SchoolCollege Joke: 18
Biology Class
In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose
levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and
asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as
in sugar
in male semen?"
"That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical
info.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste
sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor
girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she
had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books
without a word and walked out of class.... and never returned.
However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply was
classic....
Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste
sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your
tongue and not the back of your throat."
SchoolCollege Joke: 19
A case for the Third Universal Cardinal Rule of Thumb: Never
be absolute, unless absolutely necessary:
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In
English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some
languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a
negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can
form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
SchoolCollege Joke: 20
In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of
a man's penis was
larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded
that the reason the
head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure
during sex.
After the study was published, the University of South Carolina
decided to do their own
study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that
the reason was to
give the woman more pleasure during sex.
The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted
their own study.
After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was
to keep a man's
hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
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