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      The Unofficial Manual for Graduate Teaching Assistants
 
    Teaching Introductory Computer Science Courses for Non-majors
    LATE HOMEWORK When a student turns in his/her project two weeks late
    and asks for full credit, accept the late work and tell them that it
    will be awarded full credit. However, do inform them that you will not
    have time to grade it until after you complete your Ph.D.
    DISRUPTIVE STUDENTS 1. If students will not stop talking when the
    class period begins, announce that there will be a quiz the following
    day on today's lecture. Then leave. 2. If your students are prone to
    reading the school paper in class, try taking out a full page ad in
    the paper informing them that they are going to flunk your class.
    LECTURES 1. In the event that you are unprepared for a lecture, be
    sure to use the class time to stress to the class the importance of
    keeping up with the readings. In fact, spend most of the class time
    stressing this. 2. When the time comes to lecture on a subject you
    know nothing about, the art of controlled digression is invaluable.
    Here, you try to incite unrelated questions from the class which you
    answer at length. Then at the end of class scold them for digressing
    and tell them they'll just have to get the material from the book.
    GRADING 1. Always use a fire engine red felt-tip marker with a 1/2
    inch tip to grade papers. Position your comments strategically so that
    they spell "DUMB" when seen from a distance. 2. You may grade
    assignments however you like. Here is a guide to quick and easy
    grading: 20 % Name 20 % Penmanship 50 % Homework is stapled together
    10 % The work itself Warning: Be prepared for a 60% class average.
    GRADING ERRORS If student A approaches you complaining that an answer
    on their exam was marked incorrect but was marked correct on student
    B's exam, promptly mark student B's answer incorrect as well. This
    will redirect the heat from you onto student A.
    EXTRA CREDIT 1. If students request extra credit to make up for the
    homework they didn't turn in, be sure to make the opportunity
    available to them. Some good extra credit problems are: Solve the
    dining philosopher's problem, using semaphores. Write a C compiler for
    the Commodore 64. Translate Moby Dick into ASCII-8 code with a
    leftmost odd parity bit. Design a replacement for the 80486 chip.
    Build a File Allocation Table (FAT) out of balsa wood. 2. You may also
    wish to tell the student that they can do extra credit work while you
    decide whether to accept it. When the student turns in the work,
    decide against it.
    CHEATING 1. When it is obvious to you that several people have copied
    each other's homework, grade one person's work on a separate sheet of
    paper, then photocopy your comments onto everyone else's homework. 2.
    Should you have very skilled cheaters in your class, try giving
    incorrect information during your lectures. This should result in
    incorrect answers on exams. Examples that have proven effective
    include: The three components of a computer system are Larry, Moe and
    Curly. The only possible digits in the binary system are 0, 1, and 2.
    The three components of the CPU are the ALU, REGISTERS and cheap
    bathroom lighting fixtures. The microphone is an output device.
    "Booting" the computer involves waving a large magnet over your hard
    drive for 60 seconds. MS-DOS is the operating system for the CRAY
    Y-MP. When preparing to purchase a new computer system running
    Windows, you should make sure it has at least 128,000 bytes of main
    memory. Protocols include saluting your computer and calling the mouse
    "sir". CPU stands for Ceramic Public Urinal. Structured Programming
    says that you can write any computer program using only three basic
    control structures: Sequence, Selection and Guessing.
    LAB You are expected to spend at least 4 hours each week in the lab to
    assist with student's questions. Students have been known to come up
    with some real beauties: "Why should I save it? I wasn't done yet."
    "My disk erased itself!" "Hurry up, I need help. This was due last
    week." "Directory? What's that?" "What do I need my textbook for? I'm
    using a computer." Here are the solutions to the most common problems:
    P: "The screen is blank - I can't see what I'm doing" S: Turn on the
    monitor P: "How do I get into Windows?" S: Stare at it long enough and
    it will start to look like candy. P: "I can't get this computer to do
    anything." S: Have them move to a computer that has a keyboard. P:
    "The stupid printer printed the wrong file." S: Reprimand the printer.
    P: "WordPerfect didn't do what I told it to do." S: Tell them they
    have to earn its respect first.