SchoolCollege Jokes

  This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:
 
 
 Rebecca  and Gary 
 English 44A
 SMU
 Creative Writing
 Prof Miller
 
                   In-class Assignment for Wednesday
 
 Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
 The process is simple.  Each person will pair off with the person
 sitting to his or her immediate right.  One of you will then write
 the first paragraph of a short story.  The partner will read the
 first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story.  The
 first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and
 forth.  Remember to reread what has been written each time in order
 to keep the story coherent.  The story is over when both agree a
 conclusion has been reached.
 
 
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.  The
 camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
 now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
 that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,
 keep her mind off Carl.  His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
 she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
 So camomile was out of the question.
 
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
 squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
 think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
 "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
 communicator. "Polar orbit established.  No sign of resistance so
 far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed
 out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.  The
 jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
 the cockpit.
 
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
 felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
 woman who had ever had feelings for him.  Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of
 Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space
 Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.  The news
 simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
 dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and
 carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
 from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
 her.  "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully.
 
 Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live.
 Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
 the first of its lithium fusion missiles.  The dim-witted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
 through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile
 alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.  Within
 two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were
 on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 entire planet.  With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated their
 diabolical plan.  The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
 unimpeded.  The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
 headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85
 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
 conference table. "We can't allow this!  I'm going to veto that
 treaty!  Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
 
 This is absurd.  I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
 writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
 
 Yeah?  Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
 at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
 
 You total $*&.
 
 Stupid %?$!.