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RoadDriving Joke: 1
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register. "Cash or charge?" the clerk asked.

"Cash," I snapped. Then, apologizing for my rudeness, I explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau."

"Shall I giftwrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are you going back there?"


RoadDriving Joke: 2
A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats.

The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. This results in one of the worst pile-ups in history.

When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!"


RoadDriving Joke: 3
The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?" The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?" He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."


RoadDriving Joke: 4
Safest Way to Drive Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice:

The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one's exposure.

One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers.

Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.


RoadDriving Joke: 5
California Driving Test Answers The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too shit faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer? A: It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long.





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