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ReligionChurch Joke: 41
| Nuns First Hot Dog
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to
the other, "I hear
that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her
companion replies, "but if
we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor
and they both walk
toward him. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too
pleased to oblige and
he wraps both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a
bench and begin to
unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers.
Staring at it for a moment,
she leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part
did you get?"
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ReligionChurch Joke: 42
Pope Dies
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the
reception committee, and
after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad
recreations available.
He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of
the Holy Scriptures, and
spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a
linguistic master, he
sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the
Bible, working back
from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.
All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come
running to him, only to
find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering,
"An 'R'! They left out
the 'R'."
God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem
is. After collecting
his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R' ... the word was
supposed to be
CELEBRATE!"
ReligionChurch Joke: 43
The Hat
An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat.
Instead of buying a
new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the
vestibule. When he
got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew
where he had to sit
and listen to the entiresermon on "The Ten Commandments." After
church, the man met
the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, and
told him "I want to
thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal
a hat and after
hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."
Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal' changed your
mind?"
Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did.
As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"
ReligionChurch Joke: 44
"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?"
inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously
eyeing her bulging stomach. "Why, no Father," answered the nun
demurely, "It's just a little gas."
A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun
noticing her habit barely fit across her belly. "Oh, just a bit of
gas," said sister Ann, blushing a bit.
On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he
passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage. Looking in, the priest
observed, "Cute little Fart!"
ReligionChurch Joke: 45
The Reverend
Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just
had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was
feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon
as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of
town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he
wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday
morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint
Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and
exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton
hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short
of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN
ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why
did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going
to tell?"
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