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ReligionChurch Joke: 96
| Easter is approaching. Father O'Maley checks estimates for the flower
decoration of the altar.
The catholic florist - $ 300. "Too expensive" moans the priest.
The protestant florist - $ 250, "No, it would not be right to buy at
another Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather
small." But lo! Solly Goldberg - $ 75!!!
Religion or economics? After much consideration, Solly obtains the
contract.
On Easter Sunday morning, Goldberg's men deliver the flowers: wonderful
roses, azaleas, camellias, tulips and carnations. O'Maley's last
reservations are discarded.
When the parishioners arrive in the church, they see the magnificent
flower arrangement and a ribbon with the inscription:
"Jesus has risen! But the prices of Goldberg always stay the same."
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ReligionChurch Joke: 97
A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession:
"Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and
told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said
that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates."
"BASTARD!" cried the Mother Superior. "For years he told me it was
Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it."
ReligionChurch Joke: 98
Paul says to Jesus, "Hey man, whatcha doing for Passover?"
Jesus says, "Just hanging around."
ReligionChurch Joke: 99
Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital),
and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went
well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was
reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently
patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to
pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.
"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."
"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned
sternly.
"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a
humble spinster nun."
"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters -
they are married to God."
"Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send
the bill to my brother-in-law."
ReligionChurch Joke: 100
Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are
traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in
Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out
of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car
and hisses at them through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we
do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the
abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the
mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing
at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water
before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The
vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on
and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She then
opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!"
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