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ReligionChurch Joke: 51
| A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the
radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The
state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an
empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you
been drinking?"
And the minister says, "Just water."
The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good
Lord, He's done it again!"
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ReligionChurch Joke: 52
God created the mule, and told him, 'you will be Mule, working
constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat
grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years.
The mule answered: 'To live like this for 50 years is too much.
Please, give me no more than 20.' And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, 'you will hold vigilance
over the dwellings of Man, to him you will be his greatest companion. You
will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.'
And the dog responded, 'Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much.
Please, no more than 10 years.' And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, 'You are Monkey. You shall
swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny,
and you shall live for 20 years.'
And the monkey responded, 'Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the
world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.'
And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, 'You are Man, the only rational
being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have
mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and
live for 20 years.
And the man responded, 'Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too
little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years
the dog refused, and the ten years the monkey rejected.' And it was so.
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live
20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he
is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and
eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry then, in his old age, to live
10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.
ReligionChurch Joke: 53
A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting.
Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. the
pastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and began
tumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the
pastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and sending
his rifle flying through the air, just out of his reach.
As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out "Lord, I'm sorry for
what I have done. Please forgive me and save me! - Lord please
make this bear a Christian".
Suddenly the bear skipped to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell
to it's knees, clasped it's paws together, began to weep and
said "God bless this food which I am about to receive!"
ReligionChurch Joke: 54
The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on
a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher
accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff
stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it
and walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleague
asked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. "It was
okay, but would you believe that guy can't swim?"
ReligionChurch Joke: 55
What was the first thing Adam said to Eve ?
"Stand back .... I don't know how big this thing is going to grow !"
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