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ReligionChurch Joke: 46
| Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to
the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands
in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the
green.
Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the
fairway and lands in the water trap.
Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The
old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over
the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls
into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth.As the
fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and
grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a
lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the
eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out
of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.
Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop
fooling around, we won't bring you next time."
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ReligionChurch Joke: 47
GOD will save me
The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate
because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said "GOD
will save me".
The river continued to rise and he was forced to move everthing to the
second floor of his house. A man in a boat came by and offered to save
him. Again he said "GOD will save me".
Pretty soon the second story was flooded and he was forced to get on
the roof of his house. A helicopter came by and tried to save him and
yet again he said "GOD will save me".
It wasn't long before the house was completely covered and the man
died and went to heaven. He confronted God with "Why didn't you save
me, GOD?"
And God said " I sent you the police, a boat and a helicopter. Why did
you stay in the house?"
ReligionChurch Joke: 48
After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a
minister when I grow up.
"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you
decide to be a minister?"
"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than
to sit still and listen.
ReligionChurch Joke: 49
So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological
arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth.
One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority
rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided
to appeal to a higher authority.
"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and
they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"
It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his
prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It
rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I
knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm
clouds form on hot days.
So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to
show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a
bigger sign!" This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed
toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning
slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.
"I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted
that nothing had happened that could not be explained by
natural causes.
The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just
as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth
shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S
RIIIIIIIGHT!"
The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three,
and said, "Well?"
"So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2."
ReligionChurch Joke: 50
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly
stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's
absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi
went to see him.
He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How
come after all these years we don't see you at services
anymore?"
The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you,
Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to
take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105.
So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about
me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
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