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Ouch Joke: 36
| A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new
territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and
before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties
all over the carpet.
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that
horseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it."
She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"
He Salesman says, "why do you ask?"
She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
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Ouch Joke: 37
Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been
for you?" Ed asked.
"Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife
turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our
savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run
over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car
rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my dog put down
recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it
all my business has just gone bust."
"Oh dear, that sounds terrible." Ed said. "What business were you in?"
"I sell lucky charms," said Ted.
Ouch Joke: 38
A man walked into the clubhouse and noticed a friend sitting in a corner
wearing a neck brace.
He sat down and asked his mate what happened.
"Well, I was playing golf and I hit my ball into the rough," replied his
friend.
"Then I met a chick who was looking for her ball too. Finding mine, I
thought I'd give her a hand. There was a cow nearby and I noticed that
every time the cow twitched its tail there was a flash of white. So I went
over to it and lifted its tail and sure enough there was the ball. I
called out to the chick and said, 'Lady, does this look like yours?' And
the bitch hit me in the neck with her driver!"
Ouch Joke: 39
St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, "You were
a good woman. I'm giving you a nice halo."
Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the
Princess has a much bigger halo.
Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, I spent most
of my adult life helping the poor and the sickly. Princess Di did no where
near the amount of charitable work I did. Why does she have a bigger
halo?"
St. Peter says, "That's not a halo. That's a steering wheel."
Ouch Joke: 40
Q: How did Captain Hook die?
A: Jock itch.
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