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Ouch Joke: 31
| "How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set
the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."
"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the
farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful
daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted.
I said no, everything is fine. "Are you sure?", she asked. "I'm sure,
I said. "Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know.
"I reckon not" I replied ...
"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?"
"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what
she meant, I fell off the roof!"
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Ouch Joke: 32
Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship
that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island.
Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed
of what she was doing.
Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed
of what they were doing.
Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again--being so ashamed
of what they were doing.
Ouch Joke: 33
Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little
boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.
"Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said, "Just flap your arms
really *really* hard."
So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like
mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below.
Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and
said, "What the hell happened?!?"
Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe
everything someone tells him."
Ouch Joke: 34
A young man fell in a pit one day, and found a
magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie
said, 'I will grant you three wishes.' The man's
first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF**
He was instantly transported out. He then wished
for all the gold in the world. **POOF**
The genie gave him all the gold nuggets in the
world, all the gold bars, all the gold pebbles,
etc. The man could not think of anything for his
third wish, so he went out for a ride in his
Ferrari. He turned on the radio, and after a few
minutes, his favorite song came on. He decided to
sing along:
'Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner...'
Ouch Joke: 35
A little girl was walking along a beach in California when
she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper
covering his genitals.
The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?"
The man said, "Nothing, it's just a bird, now go away!"
The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep.
Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excrutiating pain.
"Where the hell am I?"
A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergency
help, so we rushed you right over."
"Well, what the hell happened to me?"
"We don't know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happening
to you today?"
The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me just
before I fell asleep."
The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl was
still there, and she was. The person said, "Do you know what happened
to that nice man you saw here earlier?"
"Well," the little girl said, "I started to play with that nice little
bird that he had and the damn thing spit on me. So, I wrung its neck,
broke its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"
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