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Ouch Joke: 26
| The guy leered at the babe at the yacht-club. "Hey, baby,
would you help me 'raise my mast'?"
"No thanks," she said sweetly. "I heard about you from your
ex and she included a 'small craft' warning."
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Ouch Joke: 27
This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic
walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his
lustful desires rise to a fever pitch.
He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't
mind but I'm busting to have a piss".
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why
don't you go behind these bushes".
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes.
As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling
down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through
a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his
hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long,
thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!".
"No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."
Ouch Joke: 28
Fred goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated."
Doc says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or
what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation."
Fred: "Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a little
embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here.
Will you do it?"
Doc says, "Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I
don't understand it, but OK."
He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at the
bedside when Fred wakes up.
"Well, Doc, how'd it go?" Fred asks.
"It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of an
operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple
task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was
operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went
ahead and did that, too. I think, it's really better for a man to be
circumcised, and I hope you don't mind my..."
"CIRCUMCISED!" yells Fred. "THAT'S the word!!!"
Ouch Joke: 29
A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the
mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts
of a 25 year old."
The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"
She replies, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."
Ouch Joke: 30
A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I
know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was
disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the
poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, ya ," he
said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the
time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over
the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts
please meet me at the back of the store."
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