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Ouch Joke: 16
| Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a
$100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously
much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two'gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it.
And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members
were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro, "I was teeing
up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand
between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever
tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"
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Ouch Joke: 17
A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG
!
He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he
thinks. Then he hears the
voice again: I SAID, DIG !
So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some
inches, he finds a small
chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN !
Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which
to destroy the lock,
and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins.
The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO !
Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest
and walks to the
casino.
The deep voice says: ROULETTE !
So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and
goes to one of the tables,
where the players gaze at him with disbelief.
The deep voice says: 27 !
He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly
bursts. Everybody is quiet
when the croupier throws the ball.
The ball stops at the 26.
The deep voice says: SHIT !
Ouch Joke: 18
The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was
relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he
suddenly said "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?" Before she could
respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing
that he wasn't wearing any. She glanced down and said, "Nice design,
does it also come in men's sizes ?
Ouch Joke: 19
Mirror, mirror
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her
bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully
says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to
enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has
happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says: "Mirror mirror on
the door, make my "manhood" touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright
flash and both his legs fall off.
Ouch Joke: 20
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet
rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over
immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face
close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard
which is full and bushy.
Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both
hands.
"Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak
to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his
hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there
anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues
huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him
to suck them gently.
"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."
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