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Men Joke: 36
| His And Hers ATMs
HIS:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
HER:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written
on it.
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. STOP
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in reverse gear
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Travel 3 miles
41. Release parking brake
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Men Joke: 37
In a Texas bar,The bartender Fred was fed up with penis boasting from the
regulars.So to put an end to all the boasting Fred says to them "whip 'em
out".Fred pulls a yard stick from under the bar,at the same time a gay guy
walks into the bar.Fred ask the man if there is something that he can get for
him.The gay guy replies "i was going to get a beer,but i'll check your buffett
first"
Men Joke: 38
God created the mule, and told him, 'you will be Mule, working
constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat
grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years.
The mule answered: 'To live like this for 50 years is too much.
Please, give me no more than 20.' And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, 'you will hold vigilance
over the dwellings of Man, to him you will be his greatest companion. You
will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.'
And the dog responded, 'Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much.
Please, no more than 10 years.' And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, 'You are Monkey. You shall
swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny,
and you shall live for 20 years.'
And the monkey responded, 'Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the
world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.'
And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, 'You are Man, the only rational
being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have
mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and
live for 20 years.
And the man responded, 'Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too
little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years
the dog refused, and the ten years the monkey rejected.' And it was so.
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live
20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he
is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and
eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry then, in his old age, to live
10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.
Men Joke: 39
When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts...
In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no
passion..
So I decided I needed a passionate girl..
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional..
Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I
needed a girl with some stability..
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited
about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement..
I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed
from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was
directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some ambition..
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so
ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned..
Now all I want is a girl with big breasts..
Men Joke: 40
AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 beer
35 vodka
48 double vodka
66 Maalox
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