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Medicine Joke: 41
| A man is urinating one day when the end of his penis drops off.
He thinks, "This is probably not a good thing," so he picks up the
knobby end and sticks it in his pocket, then races off to the doctor.
He waits in the surgery for a bit, then he's called in.
The doctor greets him and asks, "What's the problem?"
"Well, doctor, I was urinating and my knob fell off. Here it is." And
he reaches into his pocket and hands the piece to the doctor.
The doctor looks, frowns, then replies, "What are you talking about?
This is a marshmellow!"
"Well, that can't be right! I ate my last marshmellow on the way in
here!"
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Medicine Joke: 42
There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual
disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder
clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and
the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there
in the hallway.
"What condition does he have?" the student asks.
"He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder," the doctor replies. "If he
doesn't obtain sexual release forty to fifty times a day, he'll pass
into a coma."
The student takes some notes on that, and they continue down the hall.
As they turn the corner, he sees another patient with his pants around
his ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse.
"What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"
"Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a
better health plan."
Medicine Joke: 43
A man visits his doctor.
"I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my balls
has turned blue."
The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the patient would
die if they didn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such
a thing to me?"
"Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient
had to agree to have his testicle removed. But two weeks after the
operation, he came back.
"Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue
too."
Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other
testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant.
"Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to
agree to the operation.
But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the
doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now
completely blue."
After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc gives him the
bad news. If he wants to live, his penis has to go.
Of course, he did not want to hear about it. "You really want to
die?", asked the doctor.
"But... how do I pee?"
"We'll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no problem."
So, the penis is removed and a while after the operation, the
unfortunate man again returns the doctor's office. He is very angry.
"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue."
"What?"
"Can you tell me what a hell is happening?"
So, the doctor examined the patient more carefully this time, and
says, "Hmmmm, I think its the jeans......"
Medicine Joke: 44
A pregnant woman goes to the doctor for results of a test. The doctor
invites her in to sit down.
"I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious
problems."
"What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my
child and I'll love it regardless."
"Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs."
"Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless."
"And it hasn't got any arms either."
"What?"
"Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In
fact, your child is only a very, very big ear."
"Oh my God! This is terrible! Well, it's my child, and I'll love it.
I'll learn all the lullabies in the world to sing to it."
"Mrs. Smith, one last thing.... Unfortunately, your child is deaf."
Medicine Joke: 45
Liz Taylor goes in to see her cosmetic surgeon. "I have met the man of
my dreams, finally, the love of my life !" she announces to the
surgeon, "But I need you to help me with a small problem. This man is
only 18 years old, I am truly head over heels in love with him, and
don't want to disappoint him in any way, so I want you to make my
vagina look like that of an 18 year old."
The surgeon tells Liz of the delicate situations involved with this
operation, but does finally agree to performing the said operation.
"But one thing" Liz says "you have to swear to me that no one knows
about this operation, that no magazines or tabloids hear about it!"
"I swear Liz" the surgeon replies.
The big day arrives, Liz goes under the knife, the operation goes text
book perfect and she is moved to a recovery room. Upon regaining
consciousness, Liz's eyes focus on three huge floral arrangements at
the foot of her bed. As the surgeon enters the room to check on her,
Liz bursts into tears.
"How could you do this to me !!! You swore that not a soul would hear
of this operation!!! "
"Now, now Liz, I didn't tell a soul. The first arrangement is from me.
I've been your friend, as much as your surgeon for the past 10 years,
I just wanted to make you feel good. The second arrangement is from
the anesthesiologist, he's gay, he's one of your biggest fans, and I
thought it was okay, since he's worked side by side with me on your
operation."
Liz's eyes gazed over to the third arrangement, pointing her finger
,"And who sent those?"
"Oh yeah" the surgeon replied. "Those are from a guy in the burns
unit, he wanted to thank you for his new ears".
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