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Medicine Joke: 16
| Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said "Please give me a
prescription for the Pill."
"I don't think you need the Pill at your age."
"It relaxes me."
"But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for
relaxing," exclaimed the physician.
"I know," said Mrs Ogden, "but my daughter dates, and every
morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel
more relaxed.
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Medicine Joke: 17
One day Pete was complaining to his friend "my elbow hurts. I better
see a doctor". His friend said "Don't do that. There's a computer in
the drug store that can diagnose anything. It's quicker and cheaper
than visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine and
it will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It
only costs $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose so he filled a jar with a urine
sample. He went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in
the sample and deposited $10.00. The computer started to make a weird
nose and various lights began to flash. After a brief pause, a small
slip of paper printed. It said:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water,
avoid heavy labor,
it will be better in two weeks.
Later that evening, while thinking how amazing that computer was, Pete
began to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from
his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masterbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, poured the sample into the machine and
deposited $10.00. The machinhe again made the usual noise and printed out
the following analysis:
Your water is hard,
get a softener.
Your dog has worms,
get him shots.
Your daughter's using cocaine,
get her into a rehab clinic.
Your wife's pregnant,
it's not yours,
get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off,
Your tennis elbow will never get better!
Medicine Joke: 18
Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the
buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He
goes to the emergency room.
The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see
what I can do."
Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."
The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the
fingers? It's 1998. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of
incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made
you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"
Jon says, "Well, shit, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."
Medicine Joke: 19
A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist's
couch, telling him how frustrated she was. "I tried to be an
actress and failed," she complained. "I tried to be a secretary
and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a
sales clerk and I failed at that, too."
The shrink thought for a moment and said... "Everyone needs
to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"
The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful
breasts, points it at the shrink, and says... "Well go ahead, I'll
give it a try!"
Medicine Joke: 20
Why do doctors slap babies when they are born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
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