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Medicine Joke: 71
| Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear
tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car
goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug
nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.
Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when
he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the
inmates has been watching the whole thing.
"Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other
three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage
or something."
Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes
the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident.
Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was
pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?"
The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not
because I'm stupid."
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Medicine Joke: 72
After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked.
So they went to a doctor, and got checked over.
The doctor took time to reassure them. "Don't worry," he said, "Just take
this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow."
So he went home feeling better, and went back the next day with his little
bottle. It was empty.
The doctor looked at the bottle carefully, " Problems?" he said.
"Have I ever had problems, doc.!" the man replied. " I went home and
straight upstairs, and worked at it for over half an hour. Both hands. I
tell you doc, my hands got too sore to hold it! I had to get the wife
upstairs and she had a go. But even she, with all her experience, couldn't
do it. "
"So what did you do?" said the doctor.
" We had a discussion, and got the mother-in-law involved. I was sure
she'd manage it, but it was no go, even when she used her mouth. And doc,
she tried with her teeth in, and her teeth out!!"
"But nothing we tried would get the top off that bloody bottle!!!!!"
Medicine Joke: 73
A man went to his dentist because he feels something
wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is
eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all
I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made
some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was
delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put
it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollindaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is
highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make
you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why
chrome?" asks the patient.
To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like
chrome for the Hollandaise!"
Medicine Joke: 74
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad
news and good
news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and
will need help
eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Medicine Joke: 75
Two doctors found themselves on the beach in Hawaii.
As a real bevy of bikini-clad females walked by, one said,
"Look at the legs among that group."
"Sorry old chap." replied the second doctor. "But I'm a
chest man myself."
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