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Medicine Joke: 61
| A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a
wasp buzzes into the wife's business end. Naturally enough,
she panics.
The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat
on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he
makes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examining
her, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps so
he says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it out
by putting honey on his penis and withdrawing as soon as he
feels the wasp.
And so the honey is smeared, but because of his wife's
screaming and his frantic dash to the doctor and the general
panic, he just can't rise to the occasion. So the doctor says
he'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object.
Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage, so
the doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on and
instantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug the
wife. Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues with
vigour.
The husband shouts, "What the hell's happening?" To which
the doctor replies, "Change of plan. I'm going to drown the
bastard!!!
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Medicine Joke: 62
Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to
forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was
overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to
reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first
doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality,
"Howard. You're a veterinarian."
Medicine Joke: 63
A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she
sufferred from excessive
flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done
nothing about it until
now. So the Dr. took down all of her medical history,a process that
took quite a while. At
the end, the woman says, "You see, Dr Smyth while I've been sitting
here talking to you
I've broken wind five times, but there's no sound and no smell." At
this point, the Dr.
scribbled something on a pad, ripped off a sheet and handed it to the
woman. "What's
this?" she asked, "some pills?" "No", replied Dr Smyth, "that is a
prescription for a
hearing aid: come in next week, and we'll operate on your nose."
Medicine Joke: 64
A man walks in to a doctors office and says, "Doctor you must help me.
I have AIDS."
The doctor replies, "Are you gay?" The man answers "yes." The doctor
says, "I think I
can help. Go to the grocery store, buy a box of laxatives and a quart
of prune juice.Take
ALL of the laxatives and drink ALL of the prune juice. Take a nap for
a couple of hours.
When you wake up your problem will be solved." The man answers, "Will
that cure my
AIDS?" The doctor replies, "No, but you will find out what your ass
hole is really for!"
Medicine Joke: 65
The following statements were found on patient's charts
during a recent review of medical records. These statements were
written by various health care professionals including (we're afraid)
a doctor or two at several major hospitals:
"The lab test indicated abnormal lover function."
"Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized."
"The skin was moist and dry."
"The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
"She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
1989 when she got a divorce."
"The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane
ran out of gas and crashed."
"I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy."
"The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle,
who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." "Bleeding
started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles."
"Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation."
"She is numb from her toes down."
"Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot."
"While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as
stockbroker instead."
"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."
"Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his
family in no distress."
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