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Marriage Joke: 16
| On their wedding night the husband was so self - conscious
about the smallness of his penis that before undressing, he
snapped off the light. Once he was in bed, he unzipped his
pants and handed his member to his bride.
"That's thoughtful, darling," she cooed, "but we'll need the light
if you want to write thank-you notes ."
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Marriage Joke: 17
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are
playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.
The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he
says, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!"
"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your
wife's breast."
The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball
250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife
with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.
The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her
swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asks the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."
The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and
THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway. . . about 15 ft.
"That was great," the pro says with a straight face.
"Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you're
supposed to!"
Marriage Joke: 18
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the
crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets
himself to the doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my
honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it
heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took
four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and
wired it all together. It was an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on
their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to
reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever
saw them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these
breasts." He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, "Look at
this, it's still in the CRATE !"
Marriage Joke: 19
The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement
park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The
ride completed, she seemed rather bored.
"What would you like to do next?" he asked.
"I wanna be weighed," she said. So the young man
took her over to the weight guesser.
"One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was
absolutely right.
Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he
bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked
what else she would like to do.
"I wanna be weighed," she said.
I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought
the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a
headache, he took the girl home.
The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so
early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a
nice time tonight?"
"Wousy," said the girl.
Marriage Joke: 20
A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: "Come and bury my wife."
"But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker.
"I got married again," the man sobbed.
"Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."
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