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Marriage Joke: 191
| All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally
dumfounded and asks, "What was that for?" Wife said, "Because, you are
a bad fuck".
Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the
wife was confused
and asked, "And may I ask what's that about?" Husband said, " Simple,
because you
know the difference.
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Marriage Joke: 192
A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling
a little frisky,
reaches over and gives his wife's breast a little feel and
says,"Mother, if this could give
milk, we could get rid of the cow." His hand then travels down to her
crotch, and he says,
"Mother, if this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."
His wife then reaches
over and grabs his penis. "Father, if this could stay hard, we could
get rid of your brother.
Marriage Joke: 193
Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they
make
love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped
on her
reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his
hand.
"Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been
using
on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you
sneaky
bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -" "Speaking of
sneaky,"
her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three
kids."
Marriage Joke: 194
The Freudian Slip
Ted and John are setting in the bar and John asked Ted if he bought
the train tickets to go
see the Steelers game this weekend. Ted says yea and kinda looked a
little funny. John
said is there anything wrong? Ted said naw, everythings OK. They take
a few more sips
of beer and Ted ask John if he had ever embarrassed himself by saying
something he didnít
mean to say. John said sure, it happens to everyone. Ted said thereís
a name for that isnít
there...you know, where you accidently use the wrong words when you
are trying to say
something. Yea, says John, itís called a Freudian slip. Yea, thats it
said Ted, I couldnít
think of the word. Why are you asking said John?
Well, yesterday I went to the train station to get the train tickets
for Pittsburg, and the girl
selling tickets has this incredible set of jugs. I pulled out the
money and laid it on the
counter and asked her to give me two pickets to Titsburg and then had
to embarrassingly
say I mean two tickets to Pittsburg. God, it just embarressed the shit
out of me. You ever
done anything that stupid?
ì Funny you would askî, said John. Just this morning my wife and
I...gosh, I guess
weíve been married going on 23 years now..., were having breakfast. I
was reading the
paper and drinking my coffie. I meant to say, ìdear, would you please
pass me the
sugarî,but instead I said, 'You fucking bitch, youíve ruined my
life.'"
Marriage Joke: 195
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to
marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each
other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we
go along."
So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a
very nice resort.
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his
towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck
gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position,
where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the
towel. She said, "That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an
Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about
ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about
thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out
of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of
the canal."
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