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Marriage Joke: 126
| While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn't enjoy it.
Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly
unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then
quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: "What happened, did I hurt you ?"
"Why no, not at all," said his surprised wife. "Whatever made you ask
that ?"
"Well, no reason actually," the bored husband replied with a sigh,
"It's just that for a moment there, I thought you actully moved."
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Marriage Joke: 127
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in
their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he
could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them
thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then
concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On
your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some
grapes and some doughnuts."
"Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across
the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's 'love canal'.
Then, on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and
retrieve the grape using only your tongue."
"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the
room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his
'love pole'. Then, like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume
the doughnut."
The couple went home and their sex life became more and more
wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should
see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would
not take the case unless he felt that he could help them. He conducted
the physical exams and the same battery of tests.
Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will
not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will
ever be. I cannot help."
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the
Browns, now please, please help us."
"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office,
stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of
Cheerios..."
Marriage Joke: 128
The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained to
the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board.
When she had finished, the husband's lawyer rose to his feet and
coolly replied, "Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing
of the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bed
'bored'."
Marriage Joke: 129
I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His wife won't give him a
divorce until she figures out a way of doing it without making him a
happy man.
Marriage Joke: 130
Speaking of divorce (I was), this woman petitions the court for a
divorce on the grounds that her husband "beats her." The Judge,
wanting every detail asked how often it was he beat the woman.
"Every damn time your Honor," she sighed, "Every damn time !"
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