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Marriage Joke: 96
| After many months of trying to make ends meet, one California couple
decided that the only way they were going to get any extra cash was to
have the old lady start hooking.
Early the next morning the wife comes home looking very haggard and
worn out. The husband guiltily asks how she did, and the wife replies
that she earned four hundred dollars and ten cents.
"That`s great!" the husband replies. "But who gave you the ten cents?"
"Everybody!" replied the wife.
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Marriage Joke: 97
A woman woke up and told her husband about a dream she'd just had. "I
was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for $1000 and the
tiny ones for $10."
Husband: "What about one my size?"
Wife: "Didn't get a bid!"
Pissed off and wanting revenge, the next morning he told his wife he'd
had a dream too: "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight
ones sold for $1000 and the loose ones for $10."
Wife: "What about ones like mine?"
Husband: "That's where they held the auction."
Marriage Joke: 98
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you
going?" he asked.
"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $400 to
do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS
bags.
"What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
"Going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you live on $800 a
year!"
Marriage Joke: 99
The day after a man lost his wife in a boating accident, he was
greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have
some information about your wife."
"Well, tell me!" the man said.
The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some
really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we
found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay."
"Oh my god!" said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering
what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"
"Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two
five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her."
"If that's the good news than what's the great news?!" Mr. Wilkens
demanded.
The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow
morning."
Marriage Joke: 100
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning
service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away
last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he
have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the Goddamn gun...'"
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