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Marriage Joke: 86
| Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that
says, "Cow For Sale...$5000."
He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth
five thousand dollars."
The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this."
He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like
a woman.
Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, "It's just
not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow with a snatch like a woman,
and it's worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a
cow, and you're not worth shit."
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Marriage Joke: 87
There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The
woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they
couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny.
The husband then donated some of his skin..... however, the only place
suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks.
The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all
this was a very delicate matter!
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All
her friends and relatives just raved about her youthful beauty!
She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for
what he had done. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!!"
He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty thanks enough every
time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"
Marriage Joke: 88
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the
zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass
in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet),
grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously
excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing
the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play
along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises
that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one
of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear
the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"
... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell
HIM you have a headache."
Marriage Joke: 89
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" the guy says. "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what..
Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if
she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
Marriage Joke: 90
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which
one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of
them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She
gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and
tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you
because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I
bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the
rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future
because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the
money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
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