|
|
|
|
Marriage Joke: 81
| A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her
husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband
to be buried in a dark blue suit.
He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit
that he's wearing?"
But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank
check to buy one.
When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin
and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how
much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.
He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing
happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one
wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and
asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in
a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the
heads."
|
|
Marriage Joke: 82
Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set
off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite
the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy,
points to it and says, "Mummy, what is that long thing?"
His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk."
"No, at the other end."
"That, son is the tail."
"No, mummy, the thing under the elephant."
A short embarrassed silence after which she replies, "That's nothing."
The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied
with her answer, asks his father the same question.
"Daddy, what is that long thing?"
"That's the trunk, son," replies the father.
"No at the other end."
"Oh, that is the tail."
"No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation.
"That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?"
"Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy.
Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..."
Marriage Joke: 83
A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in
the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the
breasts of a 25 year old."
The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old
ass?"
She replies, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."
Marriage Joke: 84
God creates Adam, and soon Adam is complaining that he's all alone in
the Garden of Eden.
So God says, "Okay, I'll make you a companion, a beautiful creature
who'll cook and clean for you. It will be able to converse
intelligently on any subject, and never ever complain or argue."
Adam says, "That sounds great."
God says, "The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam says, "Damn, that's expensive. What can I get for a rib?"
Marriage Joke: 85
Georgie is walking down the street after a sex-change operation has
transformed him into a beautiful women. An old friend sees him and
says, "Georgie, you look great...you're beautiful!"
Georgie says, "Thanks...but holy Christ, did it hurt."
His friend says, "When they cut open your chest and put in those
implants?"
Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
His friend says, "When they cut off your dick and dug out a vagina?"
Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
His friend says, "Then what did hurt?"
Georgie says, "When the doctor drilled a fucking hole in my head and
sucked out half my brain."
< < Prev
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Next > >
|
|
|
|
|
