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Marriage Joke: 76
| A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours
to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long
cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him since he only
had 24 hours to live.
"Of course Darling," she replied.
And so they have sex.
Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again and
says, "you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do
it again?"
Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.
Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He
taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, "You know dear, I only
have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?"
By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps
her on the shoulder again and says, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering
you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it
one more time?"
She turns to him with a sour look on her face and says, "You
know....... you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!!!"
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Marriage Joke: 77
A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on
the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the
wife went on the ride by herself.
The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out
and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.
"Are you hurt?" he asked.
"Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't
wave once!"
Marriage Joke: 78
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the
checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "Your husband is
suffering from severe, long-term stress and it's affecting his
cardiovascular system. He's a good candidate for either a heart attack
or a stroke. If you don't do the following four things, your husband
will surely die".
"First, each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to
work in a good mood."
"Second, at lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him
in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work."
"Third, for dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him
with household chores."
"Fourth, and most important for invigorating him and relieving stress,
have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim in
bed."
On the way home in the car, the husband turned to his wife and asked,
"So, I saw the doctor talking to you and he sure seemed serious. What
did he tell you?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
Marriage Joke: 79
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, had a couple of
left-over things left in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to
visit Adam and Eve in the Garden.
He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the
ability to stand up and pee.
"It's a very handy thing," God told the couple who he found hanging
around under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you
wanted that ability."
Adam popped a cork, jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! I'd
love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should
do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It
would be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the
animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be so cool. Oh please God let it
be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh
please.........." On and on he went like an excited little boy (who
had to pee).
Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that
if Adam really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort
of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam
were the one given the ability to stand up and pee.
And so it was. And it was...well, good.
"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts. "And
what do we have left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms..."
Marriage Joke: 80
A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so
they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source
of income.
The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he
would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or
problems.
A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all
the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to
ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client $100. She
went back and informed the client at which he cried, "That was too
much!"
He then asked, "How much for a handjob?" She asked him to wait a
minute and ran to ask her husband how much.
The husband said "Ask for $40". The woman ran back and informed the
client.
He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants
and underwear. Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that
the man was really well hung.
She asked him once more to wait a moment. She ran around the corner
again at which her husband asked, "Now what?"
The wife replied, "Can I borrow $60?"
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