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Marriage Joke: 71
| A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife
answers.
" Hi, is Tony home?"
" No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
" No, come in."
They sit down and the friend says, "You know Nora, you have the
greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I
could just see one."
Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a
hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks
her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are so beautiful
I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks
if I could just see the both of them together."
Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and
gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred
bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your
weird friend Chris came over. "
Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the
200 bucks he owes me?"
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Marriage Joke: 72
A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can you
loan me two hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident."
The stranger says, "If you need two hundred dollars, what are you
using to gamble with?"
The guy replies, "Oh, I've got gambling money."
Marriage Joke: 73
A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on
the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and
brings it into the car.
She says, "Look, its shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"
He says, "Put it between your legs."
She says, "What about the smell?"
He says, "Hold its nose."
Marriage Joke: 74
Three guys are applying for a job with the CIA. They get all the way
to the final test.
So the first guy walks into the director's office and sits down. The
director reaches in his desk and pulls out a pistol. He lays it on his
desk in front of the guy. Tells him, "This test is to test your
loyalty. Take this gun and go up the stairs and go into the first room
on your right. Your wife will be in there. Put a bullet in her head."
The guy looks at him and says, "No way." So the director says, "You
fail."
The next guy comes in. The director tells him the same thing. Guy
picks up the gun and heads for the room. Comes back about 15 minutes
later. Tells the director that he just couldn't go through with it.
The director says, "You fail."
So now the third guy comes in, same scene. Guy heads up to the room.
The director hears 3 shots, followed by a whole lot of ruckus (glass
breaking, furniture getting smashed). Guy comes back in all beat up
and his clothes tore up. The director goes, "What happened to you?"
Guy replies, "After three shots I realized that there were blanks in
the gun so I had to choke the bitch to death."
Marriage Joke: 75
A guy was sitting at the Super Bowl in the very best seat available.
The guy on his left noticed there was an empty seat next to him and
said, "Can you believe someone actually paid for that seat and didn't
come to the game?"
The fellow next to him replied, "Actually that's my wife's seat...we
bought these tickets months ago. Unfortunately, my wife passed away so
I came alone."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but why didn't you give the ticket to a
family member or friend?"
"Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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