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Marriage Joke: 51
| A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field,
until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the
guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's
my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but
now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really
too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could
enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral."
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Marriage Joke: 52
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying
the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he
arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family
there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way
with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box
of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of
terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman
in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the
door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom
where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast:
eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was
pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day,
and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He
said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
Marriage Joke: 53
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an
overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing
their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman
bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and
she told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian
responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and
told me she could never love another man."
When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked,
"And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say
to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."
Marriage Joke: 54
A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot
on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have
on my shoulder...I'll sleep with you." Guy says: "An alligator?" Woman
says: "Close enough"
Marriage Joke: 55
One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing,
"You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!"
The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and
asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out of
the situation, "You see son, bitch and bastard are what adults call each
other sometimes and dick and cunt is a nickname we gave our coats." The boy
shrugged his shoulders and went off to play. Later that day the boy was
watching his dad shave. Suddenly his dad blurted out, "Shit" when he cut
himself. The boy asked, "dad what does that mean?" and his dad cleverly
replied, "That's the brand of shaving cream I'm using." So the boy wandered
into the kitchen where his mom was preparing a turkey for company that
evening. As he was watching, his mom burned herself on the stove and
blurted out "Fuck". Again the boy asked the meaning and the frustrated
mother snapped at him, "It's french for cooking now go awnser the door! The
company is already here!" So the boy went, oopened the door, and put his
new vocabulary to use, "Hello bitches and bastards, you can hang your cunts
and dicks in the closet. My dad is still in the bathroom putting shit on
his face and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
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