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Lawyer Joke: 51
| Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the
divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:
"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month."
To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mighty
kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."
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Lawyer Joke: 52
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at
the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts
all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over
them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards
signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Lawyer Joke: 53
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he
called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is
it or the express degree you told me about?"
"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon,
why do you want to become a lawyer?"
"That's my business! Get me the course!"
Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer
was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.
Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and
it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the
lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late,
tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before
you died?"
In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said,
"One less lawyer . . ."
Lawyer Joke: 54
A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's car
is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches,
dirt and blood. He asks his friend,
"What's happened to your car?"
"Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer".
"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about
the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"
"Well, I had to chase him all through the park."
Lawyer Joke: 55
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
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