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Lawyer Joke: 1
| A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and
his front bumper smashed. There's no sign of the offending vehicle,
but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield
wiper. The lawyer picks up the note.
"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the
accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving
my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."
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Lawyer Joke: 2
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed
by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from
the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only
wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the
peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker
attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and
tried to get him to settle out of court.
He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to
take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check,
the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his
success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old
man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the
case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the
caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I
didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a
little worried about winning that case myself, because that
durned bull came home this morning."
Lawyer Joke: 3
Mr. Schneider stood up in court. "As God is my judge, I do not owe my
ex-wife any money."
Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not. I am. You do."
Lawyer Joke: 4
The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney
and a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston,
Texas insurance agent.
Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had
never felt better in your life?"
Farmer: "That's right."
Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were
seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"
Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse,
who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my
dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt,
I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words
to say I've never felt better in my life.
Lawyer Joke: 5
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then
they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to
eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and
told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders
and then exchanged sandwiches.
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