Ethnic Jokes

Name:__________________________ Nickname:_________________________________

CB Handle Model:_____________________ Color:______________

Address (RFD No.):_________________--_____________________________________

Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects):______________________________________

Mamma:_________________________

Neck Shade: _____Light Red _____Medium Red _____Dark Red

Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_____ Lower_____

Name of Pickup owned:_______________ Height of Truck__________

Truck equipped with: ____Gun Rack ____4-Wheel Drive ____Confederate Flag ____8-Track Cassettes ____Load of Wood ____Hijacker Shocks ____Radar Detector ____Mag Wheels ____Dual CB Antennas ____Spittoon ____Camper Top ____Air Horns ____Mud Flaps ____Toothpick Holder ____Mud-Grip Tires ____Raccoon Hide ____Big Dog ____Hunting Rifle

Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck:_____

BUMPER STICKERS: ____Eat more Possum ____My other car is a piece of shit too ____Honk if you love Jesus ____If you ain't a cowboy you aint shit ____Redman Chewing Tobacco ____Wave if you're horny ____Don't Like My Driving? Dial 1-800-Eat-Shit ____If You Can Read This, Then You's Too Smart For Kentucky ____I Brake For Nuthin' ____National Rifle Association

Define the following (must be 90% correct):

1. Grits 6. Sawmill Gravy 11. Cobbler 16. Tater 2. Goobers 7. Turnip Salad 12. Fatback 17. Pig Skins 3. Pinto Beans 8. Shit-on-a-Shingle 13. Tote 18. Okrie 4. Collards 9. Redeye Gravy 14. Chickin'Fry 19. Shonuf 5. Sidemeat 10. Soppin' Syrup 15. Poke 20. Chitlins

Favorite Vocalist:

____Reba McEntire ____Conway Twitty ____Loretta Lynn ____Hank Williams Jr. ____Randy Travis ____Ray Wylie Hubbard ____Tammy Wynette ____Slim Whitman ____Porter Wagoner ____Willie Nelson ____George Jones ____Box Car Willie

Favorite Recreation:

____Square Dancin' ____Possum Huntin' ____Skinny Dippin' ____Craw Daddin' ____Gospel Singin' ____4-Wheelin' ____Drankin' ____Spittin' Backy ____Bill Chip Throwin' ____Honky Tonkin' ____Noodlin' ____Other

Name of Son(s): ____Bubba ____Jim Bob ____LeeRoy ____J.D. ____Bill Lee____Bob Lee ____Duke

Name of Daughter(s): ____PammySue ____Violet ____Paulette ____Daisy

Weapons Owned:

___Deer Rifle ___Sawed-Off Shotgun ___Varmit Rifle ___Log Cabin ___Tire Iron ___Power Chain Saw ___Pick Handle ___Hick'ry Switch

Number of Dogs:____ Type: ___Blue Tick ___Beagle ___Black & Tan ___Bird Dawg

Cap Emblem: ___John Deer ___McCullock Chain Saws ___Budweiser ___Vo-Tech ___Skoal ___Coors ___NAPA ___Smile if You're Not Wearing Underwear ___N.R.A. ___Redman ____Kodiak

Number of Dependends: Legal:________ Claimed:_________

Number of Weeks Unemployed:__________

Number of Welfare Checks Received:____________

Memberships:

___KKK ___NRA ___Moose ___PTL Club ___AA ___Bass Club ___VFW ___Quiltin' Bee ___American Legion ___United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy ___John Birch Society

Length of Right leg:________ Length of Left leg:__________

Number of Testicles Shot off in 'Nam____ Number of Testicles Left____

Does your truck contain some part painted the offical state color of Primer Red? ___Yes ___No

How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?_______

How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?__________

Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?____________

Do you own any shoes? ____Yes ____No If yes, how many?__________

What year did you last purchase shoes?_________________

Are you married to any of the following:

____Sister ____Cousin ____Sow

Do you know her name?________________

Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?____________

Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?____________

Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?________________

If so, why?______________________________________________________________

Can you count: Past 10 with your shoes on?_________________ To 21 with your fly up?_____________________

Do you know any words that have more than four letters?__________________

Have you ever had more than one bath in a week?__________________________

Medical Information:

Do you have at least two of the following:

___BO ___Crabs ___Head Lice ___Rabies ___Trench Mouth ___Runny Nose ___Bad Breath ___Chafing

IF YOUR APPLICATION IS TURNED DOWN BY THE STATE OF KENTUCKY, YOU MAY BE ELIGIBLE IN THE STATES OF TEXAS, OKLAHOMA, OR ARKANSAS. THEIR STANDARDS ARE SLIGHTLY LOWER, HOWEVER, YOU WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO VISIT KENTUCKY.

12th Grade Reading Test

TEST #1 TEST #2 TEST #3 TEST #4

MR Ducks MR Snakes MR Farmers MR Mice MR Knot MR Knot MR Knot MR Knot SAR SAR SAR SAR CM Wangs CM BDI's CMMT Pockets CMEDBD Feet LIB LIB LIB LIB MR Ducks MR Snakes MR Farmers MR Mice

There are consistent trends in the past evolution of languages, and in all likelihood they will continue to change in the same fashion in the future.

In 200 years, spoken French will have only one sound, a vowel. All consonants and gaps between words and sentences will disappear, leaving only an extended "Eauuuuuuuuuuuu..." Meaning will be inferred from facial expression. Written French will stay exactly the same.

These consonants will not be entirely forgotten; they will migrate to Czechoslovakia, which will by that time have no use for vowels.

In 200 years, the English vocabulary will be the union of all other vocabularies, but the spelling will be original.

Similarly, the Japanese alphabet will be the union of all other alphabets in the world.

The Cyrillic alphabet will eventually be the same as the Latin alphabet, only backwards. A mirror will suffice for translating Russian into Polish.

Finally, in 200 years, entire books in Germany will be one word. Plus a verb at the end, of course.

[From Henry_Cate_III.OSBU_North@xerox.com]

"The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not Saint Peter and second, you really don't know where you are at all, do you ?"