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Ethnic Joke: 11
Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar. "Bartender," he says, "give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab." When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A moment later he's at her side. "That was very kind of you," she says. "Won't you sit down?" After a few minutes of small talk, she says, "Let me be honest with you. You're a very nice man, but I don't think you realize that I'm a professional. I'd be delighted to go upstairs with you for a hundred dollars. If that's not what you had in mind, I certainly understand, and I'll say good-bye now, no hard feelings." "I'm surprised," says Berkowitz. "But you're a beautiful lady, and I like you, too. I've never done something like this before, but sure, let's go upstairs." When they get to Berkowitz's room, he says, "I was wondering. There's something about you that makes me think you might be Jewish." "Well, I am," she replies a little defensively. "Why do you ask?" "Well, I'm Jewish, too," says Berkowitz. "And since we're both Jewish, I was hoping you would give me a discount." "Dammit," she replies, "I was afraid this would happen. Okay, twenty percent off. But I want you to know, at these prices I'm not making any profit!"


Ethnic Joke: 12
Iraqi vs. American Average Iraqi

Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors

Average American

Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme park

Average Iraqi

Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation

Average American

Willing to participate in People's Choice Awards

Average Iraqi

Lines up by the thousands to die for country

Average American

Will go to any extreme to avoid jury duty

Average Iraqi

Has endured many food shortages during wars with Iran and embargo by West

Average American

Shoves McDonalds cashier if their Happy Meal doesn't include McCookies

Average Iraqi

Believes if he dies in battle, he will go straight to Paradise

Average American

Believes if, in a dream, you don't wake up before hitting the ground, you die

Average Iraqi

Has friend or relative wounded in ruthless wars of conquest

Average American

Has beer guzzling uncle who shot self in foot on hunting trip

Average Iraqi

Thinks Saddam Hussein is a political genius

Average American

Thinks Saddam Hussein makes Dan Quayle seem like Einstein


Ethnic Joke: 13
State of Arkansas Residency Application Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box)

Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed

Spouse's Name:

Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___

Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name:

Father's Name: (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack? (_) Yes (_) No; please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_) The National Enquirer (_) The Globe (_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest (_) Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable

Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know


Ethnic Joke: 14
Arkansas Governor Application First name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________ Address (where you live): Mother's name(list also relation, i.e., sister):__________________ Birthdate(yours):____________________ Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________ Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )

Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( ) Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( ) How far can you throw cow pies?__________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )

Wife's name:__________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( ) Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( ) Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( ) How much smarter than you is your wife: 50 IQ Points( ) 75 IQ Points( ) 100 IQ Points( ) She Won't Tell Me( ) Does your wife wear: A Dress( ) Pants( ) Hot Pants( ) Your Pants( ) Them Lawyer Clothes( ) Nothing( ) Nothing but an Arkansas U Hog Head Hat( ) Color of wife's hair: Blonde( ) Red( ) Brown( ) Black( ) Bald( ) Did you understand the previous questions: Yes( ) No( ) What does "previous" mean?( ) Huh?( ) All of the Above( )

Have you ever had: Herpes( ) Jock Rot( ) The Drip( ) Roids( ) Zits( ) (Check all that Smelly Feet( ) Toe Jam( ) Bad Breath( ) Tit Munge( ) apply) Ear Wax( ) Long Nasal Hairs( ) Brown Nose( ) Have you ever: Castrated a Pig( ) Been Castrated by a Pig( ) Danced to Achey Breaky Heart( ) Had an Achey Breaky Heart( ) Been Mistaken for Elvis( ) Had Fantasies about Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Dorothy and Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan and the Skipper Too( ) Inhaled( ) Where was your last Elvis sighting?________________ On what date?___________ Can you count past five: Yes( ) No( ) Past ten: Yes( ) No( )

Explain in ten words or less why on Earth you want to be Governor of Arkansas:

Signature (or 'X' if you can't write)________________________________


Ethnic Joke: 15
A missionary is sent into deepest darkest depths of Africa to live with a tribe. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and good Christian values. One thing he particularly stresses is the evil of sexual sin. “Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!”

One day the wife of one of the Tribe’s noblemen gives birth to a white baby. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary. You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village. Anyone can see what’s going on here!”

The missionary replies, “No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”

The chief pauses for a moment then says, “Tell you what, you don’t say anything about the sheep, I won’t say anything about the white baby.”





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