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Ethnic Joke: 61
| Last Lunch
Three steel workers were having lunch at the construction site, a 20
story building. The first worker is Italian and when he looks in his
lunch box, he exclaims, "Oh, no, if I have to eat spaghetti for lunch
one more time, I going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself."
The second worker is Hispanic. When he looks in his lunch box, he
exclaims, " Oh, no, if I have to eat tacos for lunch one more time, I
going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself." The third worker is
polish. When he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims, "Oh, no, if I
have to eat polish sausage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump
off the 20th floor and kill myself."
The next day the Italian looks in his lunch box, sees a bowl of
spaghetti. He walks to the edge and jumps to his death. Then the
Hispanic worker looks in his lunch box, sees 2 tacos. He walks to the
edge and jumps to his death. Finally the polish worker looks in his
lunch box, sees a polish sausage sandwich. He walks to the edge and
jumps to his death.
At the funeral for the three workers the Italian workers wife is
sobbing out of control and cries," Oh, its all my fault. If only I had
packed him a different lunch!" The Hispanics wife is also sobbing out
of control and cries," Oh, its all my fault. If only I had packed my
husband a different lunch!" The polish workers wife isn't crying at
all so the other two wives confront her.
"Don't look at me," she exclaims, "He packs his own lunch!"
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Ethnic Joke: 62
Here's one about the old native American who wanted a loan for
$500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are
you going to do with the money?"
"Take jewlery to city and sell it," was the response.
"What have you got for collateral?"
"Don't know collateral."
"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of
the loan.Have you got any vehicles?"
"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."
The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"
"Yes, I have a horse."
"How old is it?"
"Don't know, has no teeth."
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several
weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a
roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker
the money to pay his loan off.
"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"
"Put in teepee."
"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked.
"Don't know deposit."
"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you.
When you want to use it you can withdraw it."
The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for
collateral?"
Ethnic Joke: 63
Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an
Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same
job and both applicants having the same qualifications were
asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the
questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you
for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the
job."
Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9
questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I
should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct
answers, but on the question you missed."
Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better
than the other?"
Manager: "Simple. The American put down on question # 5, 'I
don't know.' You put down 'Neither do I.'"
Ethnic Joke: 64
So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological
arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth.
One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority
rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided
to appeal to a higher authority.
"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and
they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"
It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his
prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It
rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I
knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm
clouds form on hot days.
So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to
show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a
bigger sign!" This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed
toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning
slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.
"I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted
that nothing had happened that could not be explained by
natural causes.
The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just
as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth
shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S
RIIIIIIIGHT!"
The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three,
and said, "Well?"
"So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2."
Ethnic Joke: 65
A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk.
The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could
get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles - or one from Minsk for
only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, --- they got the cow from
Minsk.
It was a great cow: had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots
of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people
decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it,
and then they would never have to worry about their milk supply
again.
So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture.
When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the
cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the
cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all
day.
Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the rabbi
what to do. After all he was very wise.
They told him the story. "Rabbi, we've tried all day to mate our
cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left
and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the
right. What do we do?"
The Rabbi thought a moment and asked, "Did you buy this cow
from Minsk?"
"Rabbi!" they replied as one, "You are so wise! We never said
we bought the cow from Minsk. How did you know that?"
The Rabbi said, sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."
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