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Elderly Joke: 31
| An elderly couple, living apart, had been dating
for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy,
"We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two
rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate
food and cooking separate meals. We should just
move in together.
Betsy: Whose house would we live in?
Elmer: Mine, it is already paid for.
Betsy: Whose car would we keep and pay insurance on?
Elmer: Yours, it is newer and runs better than mine.
Betsy: Who would do the cooking?
Elmer: You cook and I'll do the dishes.
Betsy: What about sex?
Elmer: Infrequently.
Betsy: Is that one word or two?
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Elderly Joke: 32
A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of
draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the
examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went
as follows:
D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear.
L: ?eh?
D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!
L: ??EH??
D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! -- A SUPPOSITORY!!!
L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid....
Elderly Joke: 33
An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, "I
don't know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market
crashed, and I'm afraid we're broke."
The wife says, "No, we're not. Let's go for a drive into town."
Husband replies, "Our savings are all gone and you want is to
go for a drive? Oh well, whatever. I guess you're crazier than
me." So off they go into town.
When they get there the wife points and says, "See that office
building? We own that."
Husband thinks his wife is nuts so he mumbles something
unintelligible and drives to the next area of the city, which just
happens to be the richest part of town.
Wife says again pointing, "See those five houses? We own
those."
Husband is now sure his wife is certifiably crazy so he says,
"What makes you think we own all this property?"
Wife replies, "Remember when we first got married and for
jokes you would give me $5.00 every time we had sex? Well, I
kept the money and invested it and 20 years later this is what
has become of it all. Not bad, eh?"
Husband says, "Dammit woman, if I'd known you were this
good with money I'd have probably given you all my business."
Elderly Joke: 34
There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment.
One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store.
He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucket
please?"
The assistant asked"Pardon sir?".
"Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man.
"Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied.
The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for his
bucket and went into the antique shop.
In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked -
"Can I have a cock please?"
The cashier looked very puzzled and asked "Pardon?".
The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?"
The cashier replied "Oh you mean a clock! - yes certainly sir."
So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop.
The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and
asked "Can I have a bum please?"
The assistant said "Sorry sir what did you say?".
So he repeated himself "Can I have a bum please?".
The assistant said " Oh right, you mean a bun!".
The old man said "Yes that's what I said in the first place."
So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop.
As he was walking down the street a little old lady came up to
him and asked "Excuse me sir, but do you know the time?"
The man replied "Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while
I get my cock out."
Elderly Joke: 35
This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop.
An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and
says he'll give her a ride home.
On the way he looks her over and says "You're a pretty good looking old
broad. I'll pay you ten bucks for a piece of ass".
She says "What???!!!". But then thinks that the old age check isn't due
for 5 more days, so she agrees.
They are lying on the bed after its over having the usual smoke and he
says to her "Geez if I had known that you were a virgin I would have
offered you $20.00!"
She looks back at him and says "If I had know you could get it up I would
have taken off my pantyhose!"
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