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Elderly Joke: 51
| One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to
a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared
for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a
tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window
overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after
a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and
straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she
starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and
once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting
to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" They ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart"
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Elderly Joke: 52
Partial Dosage
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the
pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How
many do you want?"
The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."
The pharmacist said, "That won't do you any good."
The elderly gentleman said, "That's alright. I don't need them for sex
anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough
so I don't pee on my shoes."
Elderly Joke: 53
Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests
came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks
great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at
peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?"
George replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up
in the middle of the night, poof!...the light goes on and I go to the
bathroom and then poof! the light goes off!"
"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, 'That's incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he
said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call you
because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets
up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then
poof! The light goes off?"
Thelma replied, "Oh God! He's peeing in the fridge again!"
Elderly Joke: 54
What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?
When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.
Elderly Joke: 55
Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local
bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear
about his wedding night.
Jake says, "Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up
the stairs, undressed me, and lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so's
me and her could spend the night together. The next morning all three of
my sons came upstairs and lifted me off of her."
The bartender says, "Why did it take three sons to get you off?"
Jake says, "I fought 'em."
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