Drunks Jokes

  A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He 
 stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely 
 drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so 
 he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way 
 up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear 
 end.
 That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty 
 pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken 
 glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he 
 didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, 
 he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure 
 enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired 
 the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to
 bed.
 The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, 
 and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good 
 story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
 "Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you 
 go?"
 "I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
 "A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered 
 last night. Where the heck did you go?"
 "What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
 "Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this 
 morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."