|
Drunks Joke: 16
| If government is going to put health warning labels on
beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about
the matter!
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath
that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
idiot.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head
in.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what
you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas
party.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway. WARNING: Consumption of
alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something
really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really huge biker
guy named "Big Al".
|
|
Drunks Joke: 17
A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices
two motor bikes still parked out the front. He goes round the back of
the pub only to find two bikies, one with his fingers up the bum of
the other.
"So what's going on here?" he asks.
The bikie replies "My mate here has had too much to drink and I'm
trying to make him vomit."
The cop says "I think you should be sticking your fingers down his
THROAT!"
The bikie replies "That's what I'm going to do next!"
Drunks Joke: 18
"I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly,
I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," replied his blonde patient, "I'll come back when
you are sober."
Drunks Joke: 19
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a
fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary
money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a
turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the
public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.
He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and
after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth
owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he
had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was
a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the
drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead
a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered
off into the crowd.
An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than
before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the
drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was
given another turtle.
Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third
attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in
the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three
times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time
there was an onlooker with good eyesight."That's fantastic", the
man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls?"
The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to
the target and inspecting it closely.
"Yes, sir!", he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic!
Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this
magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!"
"I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied. "Give me
another one of those little crusty meat pies!"
Drunks Joke: 20
The modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last
test has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the
bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed
up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly
face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed
sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by
the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing
and swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard.
The security guard ask:
"What's going on?" To which the drunk replied: "I just beat the shit out
of a ghost."
< < Prev
5
6
7
8
9
10
Next > >
|
|
