Criminal Jokes

  A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments -- lack of sleep, no drive, very
 little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is
 suffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, so the doctor did not hesitate to ask the man about his
 personal life.
 
 "Well, if you must know," said the patient, "I cannot stand my wife. She's made my life unbearable. I fantasize all
 the time about killing that damn witch. In fact, if you are truly my friend, you'll give me some kind of untraceable
 poison to give her, so I may end my misery."
 
 The doctor explained that not only was that illegal, it would in fact, violate his oath to save lives. He said, "Besides, you'll get
 life in prison yourself, at best. I'll tell ya what though, I can give you this powerful aphrodisiac to slip into her
 coffee. You can then 'love her to death'. No jury in the world is going to convict a man for loving his wife too
 much. She'll be gone in a month at best."
 
 The man blessed the doctor, went home and started putting the love elixir in his wife's coffee the very next morning. Three
 weeks later, the doctor hasn't heard a word from his friend, and becomes concerned. After office hours, he stops by his friend's
 house to see if all is well. He finds his friend sitting on the sun deck, wrapped in a blanket, even though it's a warm Spring day.
 The man's face was gaunt and pale, he'd lost Lord knows how much weight,and looked terrible. The doctor asked, "What
 the Hell happened ???"
 
 The man said, "I followed your advice to the letter. That woman and I made love like a pair of crazed rabbits, day
 and nite." Then, he chuckled, causing a terrible wheeze. Just then the wife appeared from inside the house. All slim and trim
 and dressed in tennis clothes; smiling, she said she was off for a few sets of tennis. As she leaped into her new sports car, her
 husband cackled and said to the doctor, "Look at that dumb crazy bitch. She hasn't a lick of sense. If she only knew
 she has less than a week to live she wouldn't be so God damn frisky."