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Children Joke: 71
| In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the
middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the
delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern
and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the
lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern,
lad...It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.
The Scot scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do
ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"
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Children Joke: 72
One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing,
"You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!"
The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and
asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out of
the situation, "You see son, bitch and bastard are what adults call each
other sometimes and dick and cunt is a nickname we gave our coats." The boy
shrugged his shoulders and went off to play. Later that day the boy was
watching his dad shave. Suddenly his dad blurted out, "Shit" when he cut
himself. The boy asked, "dad what does that mean?" and his dad cleverly
replied, "That's the brand of shaving cream I'm using." So the boy wandered
into the kitchen where his mom was preparing a turkey for company that
evening. As he was watching, his mom burned herself on the stove and
blurted out "Fuck". Again the boy asked the meaning and the frustrated
mother snapped at him, "It's french for cooking now go awnser the door! The
company is already here!" So the boy went, oopened the door, and put his
new vocabulary to use, "Hello bitches and bastards, you can hang your cunts
and dicks in the closet. My dad is still in the bathroom putting shit on
his face and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Children Joke: 73
A Sunday school teacher asked her first graders.
"Where is God?"
The room was filled with children that raised their hands to respond.
"Okay, Mary, Where is God?"
"He is everywhere,"
"Very good that’s right."
But still there were two children that didn’t put their hands down,
so the teacher continued.
"Okay, Michael, Where is God?"
"God is inside me."
"Very good that’s right."
Now there was one boy sitting in the back of the class waiving his hand.
He was the last child with his hand up, so the teacher called on him.
"Okay, Danny, Where is God?"
"He’s in our bathroom."
Well the teacher just had to ask, "How do you know he’s in the bathroom?"
The answer came, "Every morning my father knocks on the bathroom door and says,
‘My God are you still in there?’ "
Children Joke: 74
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It
was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly
there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even
louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny
Billy?"
"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe,
"I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So
she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
classroom.
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
Children Joke: 75
One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class
"What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?"
Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to
pick on him she chose little Mary.
"I think your heart goes first because, that's were your emotions
of love are."
"Very interesting." replied the teacher. Seeing no one else had
their hand raised but Johnny, she finally called on him.
"I think your feet go up first."
Confused but relieved the teacher said, "Why is that?"
Johnny replied, "Once when I walked in my parents room I saw my
dad on my mom, and she had her feet in the air saying "Oh God!"
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