Children Jokes

  The following is a "history" collected by teachers throughout the
 United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully,
 and you will learn a lot.
 
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         The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They
 lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of
 the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so
 certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The
 Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.
 The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
 
         The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first
 book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an
 apple tree. On of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's
 son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob,
 son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch
 who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not
 take it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
 
         Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw.
 Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which
 is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on
 Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king
 skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race
 of people who lived in the Biblical times. Soloman, one of David's
 sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
 
         Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks
 invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They
 also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the
 mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became
 intollerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also
 wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that
 Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by
 Homer but by another man of that name.
 
         Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
 people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of
 wedlock.
 
         In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the
 biscuits, the threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral
 wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took
 the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the
 mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what
 their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the
 Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.
 
         Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Greeks. History calls
 people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
 At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius
 Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of
 March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.
 Nero was a cruel tyranny who would turture his poor subjects by
 playing the fiddle to them.
 
 Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames.
 King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his
 troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was canonized by
 Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their
 necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be
 hanged twice for the same offense.
 
         In medevil time most of the people were alliterate. The
 greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and
 versus and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William
 Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his
 son's head.
 
         The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt
 the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the
 church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died
 a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the
 painter Donatello's interes in the female nude that made him the
 father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and
 discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is
 a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another
 important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis
 Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
 
         The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry
 VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee.
 Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
 success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all
 shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish
 Armadillo.
 
         The greatest write of the Renaissance was William Shakespear.
 Shakespear never made much money and is only famous because of his
 plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies,
 comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet
 rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy.
 In another, Lady Macbeth tried to convince Macbeth to kill the Kind
 by attack his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic
 couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel Cervantes.
 He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton
 wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
 
         During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was
 a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the
 Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
 Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as
 Pilgrims Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were
 greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops
 before them. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on their back. Many
 of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which
 proved very fatal for them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the
 settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John
 Smith was responsible for all this.