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AtWork Joke: 36
| The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but
his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. "I'm
sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist
who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice,
so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply: "I used to
be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."
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AtWork Joke: 37
A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where
they made "Tickle me Elmo dolls". It was Friday and almost quitting
time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He
quickly explained to her that she would be stationed on the assembly
line just before the dolls were packed into boxes. On Monday they
started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down
because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to
find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part
but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination
showed that she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in
the appropriate place on the dolls. The boss could not control his
laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give each doll
Two----Test----Tickles."
AtWork Joke: 38
Calling in Sick....
A Cat Owner's Story Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable
because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss
thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied
anyway because the truth was too humiliating to reveal. I simply
mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel
up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to
explain the bandage on my crown. In this case, the truth hurt. I mean
it really hurt in the place men feel the most pain. The accident
occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute
little kitty. As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower
after breakfast when I heard my wife call out to me from the kitchen.
"Ed!" she hearkened. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it."
"You know where the button is." I protested through the shower
(pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded.
"What if it starts going and sucks me in?" Pause. "C'mon, it'll only
take a second." No logical assurance about how a disposal can't start
itself will calm the fears of a person who suffers from
"Big-ol-scary-machinephobia," a condition brought on by watching too
many Stephen King movies. It is futile to argue or explain, kind of
like Lloyd Bentsen telling Americans they are over-taxed. And if a
poltergeist did, in fact, possess the disposal, and she was ground
into round, I'd have to live with that the rest of my life. So out I
came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about
how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence but it was I who
would suffer. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find
the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck
without warning. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the
dangling objects she spied between my legs. She ("Buttons" aka "the
Grater") had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took
the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most
vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged
them with her needle-like claws. Now when men feel pain or even sense
danger anywhere close to their masculine region, they lose all
rational thought to control orderly bodily movements. Instinctively,
their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while rising
upwardly at a violent rate of speed. Not even a well-trained monk
could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full weight of a
kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by-step procedure. Wild
animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome; men, in
this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight
up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a
dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never
made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the
impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics
stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics
snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing their
hysterical laughter. My wife told me I should be flattered. At the
office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept
silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat
got your tongue?" If they had only known.
AtWork Joke: 39
As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive
called his newly hired assistant into his office. "Do you know
what time we quit around here ?" he asked.
"Sure !" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody
knocks on the door."
AtWork Joke: 40
Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an
Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same
job and both applicants having the same qualifications were
asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the
questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you
for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the
job."
Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9
questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I
should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct
answers, but on the question you missed."
Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better
than the other?"
Manager: "Simple. The American put down on question # 5, 'I
don't know.' You put down 'Neither do I.'"
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