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AtWork Joke: 21
| How Shit Happens
In the Beginning was The Plan
And then came the Assumptions
And the Assumptions were without form
And the Plan was completely without substance
And the darkness was upon the face of the Workers
And the Workers spoke amongst themselves, saying
"It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth,
"It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,
"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong,
such that none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them,
"It promotes growth and is very powerful."
And the Vice Presidents went unto the President and sayeth unto him,
"This new Plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this
Company, and in these Areas in particular."
And the President looked upon The Plan,
And saw that it was good, and The Plan became Policy.
And this is how Shit Happens.
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AtWork Joke: 22
The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted
by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service
from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called
the electric company's complaint department to ask for help.
"The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our
community. You must make them stop cursing so much.", said
the nun.
"Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their
habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still
tend to call a spade a spade.", said the company
spokeswoman.
Mother superior then observed, "I think the term they actually
use is 'fucking shovel'".
AtWork Joke: 23
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked
a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you
looking for?"
The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending
on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of
5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased
every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
AtWork Joke: 24
Why you should learn to use algebra . . .
After applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new understanding can be
reached of the secret to wealth and success.
Here it goes.
Knowledge is Power
Time is Money and as every engineer knows,
Power is Work over Time.
So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:
K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)
Now, do a few simple substitutions:
Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:
K = W/T (4)
Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:
K = W/M (5).
Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:
Knowledge equals Work over Money.
What this MEANS is that:
1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and
2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.
Solving for Money, we get:
M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work Over Knowledge.
From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless
of the Work done.
What THIS MEANS is:
The More you Make, the Less you Know.
Solving for Work, we get
W = M K (7)
Work equals Money times Knowledge
From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.
What THIS MEANS is:
The stupid rich do little or no work.
Working out the socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the
reader.
AtWork Joke: 25
Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this
temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job
on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the
office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore,
I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary."
Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???"
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