AtWork Joke: 16
| Understanding Your Paycheck
GROSS PAY: $1222.02
INCOME TAX OUTGO TAX STATE TAX INTERSTATE TAX COUNTY TAX
244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89 6.11
CITY TAX RURAL TAX BACK TAX FRONT TAX SIDE TAX
12.22 4.44 1.11 1.16 1.61
UP TAX DOWN TAX KNICKNACK TAX HACKENSAC TAX THUMBTAX
2.22 1.11 1.98 3.93 0.98
CARPET TAX SNACK TAX SURTAX MA'AM TAX PARKING FEE
0.69 8.32 3.46 3.46 5.00
NO PARKING FEE F.I.C.A. T.G.I.F. LIFE INS. HEALTH INS.
10.00 81.88 9.95 5.85 16.23
DISABILITY INS. ABILITY INS. LIABILITY INS. DENTAL INS. MENTAL INS.
2.50 0.25 3.41 4.50 4.33
FUNDAMENTAL INS COFFEE COFEE CUPS CALENDAR RENTAL FLOOR RENTAL
0.11 6.85 66.51 3.06 16.85
CHAIR RENTAL DESK RENTAL UNION DUES UNION DON'TS CASH ADVANCES
4.32 4.32 5.85 3.77 0.69
CASH RETREATS OVERTIME UNDERTIME EASTERN TIME CENTRAL TIME
121.35 1.26 54.83 9.00 8.00
MOUNTAIN TIME PACIFIC TIME DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME TIME OUT
7.00 6.00 4.44 12.21
OXYGEN WATER ELECTRICITY HEAT AIR CONDITIONING
10.02 16.54 38.23 51.42 46.83
MISC
169.24
TAKE HOME PAY: $0000.02
|
|
AtWork Joke: 17
So my sister, a natural blond graduating from the University of
North Carolina Law School, is job hunting. I suggested that
since Microsoft is building up their legal team, she should send
them a resume and become a southern blond Microsoft lawyer
-- and be the butt of any joke on the internet.
AtWork Joke: 18
A man was being interviewed for a job.
"Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer.
"Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant.
"Did you see any active duty?"
"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."
"May I ask what happened?"
"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both
testicles."
"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."
"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential
treatment because of my disability."
"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with
you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit
around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."
AtWork Joke: 19
Rejection Letter Reject
Ever wonder what to do when those rejection letters start piling
up? Well here's a suggestion:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - Cut Here - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
[Date Today]
Dear Mr. Kennelly:
Thank you for your letter of April 17. After careful
consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept
your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I
have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large
number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising
field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all
refusals.
Despite Acme Inc.'s outstanding qualifications and previous
experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection
does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will
initiate employment with your firm immediately following
graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely,
[Your name here]
AtWork Joke: 20
Retire Aged Personell Early
TO ALL MCCCD EMPLOYEES
FROM GOVERNING BORED
DATE 22 APR 1986
1. As a result of the HAYZE mismanagement study, we must
drastically cut most salaries and reduce our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will go on early retirement,
thus permitting management to focus its abuse on younger
employees who represent our future.
2. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the
end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed
into effect immediately. The program will be known as RAPE
(Retire Aged Personnel Early). Employees who are RAPED will be
given the opportunity to work other jobs within the system at
greatly reduced pay. This phase of the reduction program is
called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
3. All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may apply
for a new re- employment eligibility service. This service will
be called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following
Termination). Current regulations state that employees may only
be RAPED once and SCREWED twice, but they may get the SHAFT as
many times as management deems appropriate.
4. If an employee meets all of the above requirements,
he/she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings of Retired
Persons Entitlement System). HERPES is considered as a bonus plan
since the employee can no longer be RAPED and SCREWED by
management. RAPED personnel may also get Assistance for Immediate
Displacement Service (AIDS). Since AIDS has serious implications,
one should only request this service once.
5. Employees can enhance their retention prospects by
signing up for additional training. It is now and always has been
the policy of management to ensure all employees are well trained
through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We have given
our employees more SHIT than any other organization in the
country. If any employee feels he/she does not receive enough
SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Our management is
especially trained to ensure that you will get all the SHIT you
can stand.
6. To ensure equal treatment of all MCCCD employees, only
upper-management and their selected brown-noses will be given
raises and exempt status from the above programs.
Yu Bien Haad
MCCCD GOVERNING BORED
P.S. We in upper management would like to once again applaud
the HAYZE people for their very consistent and reasonable study;
heck, we couldn't have paid anyone to make up a better report!
< < Prev
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
Next > >
|
